Valentine's Day

Is it About Romance or Love?

According to Google, Valentine's Day is about celebrating love, affection, and romance. I think that we tend to think about it as more of a day for romance than for love. It has become a day for sending roses and a romantic card to the one you love. It has become a day to take your spouse or partner out to a fancy restaurant. It may even be the day that you kneel down and ask that person to marry you. Books, television shows, and movies have helped to train us to consider Valentine's Day as a day for romance. Is it about love or romance? Somehow romance is related to love but sometimes it is not always clear exactly what that link is due to the heavy emphasis on romance over love.

Do not misunderstand me. I have nothing against romance. I think that it is an important part of a relationship. After twenty-four and a half years of marriage, I still open the car door for my wife. I still try to do things that make her life simpler. I do my best to help her feel loved and valued. There are plenty of hugs, handholding, and “I love you”. I have learned to value her thoughts and ideas on subjects, even when I disagree with her. Romance is a great part of a marriage or relationship. It helps the other person feel loved.

Recently, I had occasion to reconsider the whole romance versus love subject. After a mild heart attack in December last year, I decided to follow the cardiologist's recommendation and have a triple bypass surgery. To be honest, it was a very hard decision for me to make, as I knew how hard it was on the patient after the surgery. I did it as much for her as much as I did it for me. To be honest, I did not want to go through the pain and the long and difficult recovery, but knew it was needed.

Once the surgery was over, I was able to see real love in action. There was nothing about romance to it. It was pure love in action. She was there by my side, other than the four days I was in ICU. Even then, she was there all day, but they would not let her stay at night. Once I was moved to a step down room, she was there night and day with me.

I couldn’t get out of bed without help. I could not get comfortable in the hospital bed without help. I could barely stand. I was very weak. There were very few things that I could do for myself. I could not sleep except for a few minutes at a time. I was miserable.

When the nurses came in to do things, Yvonne took over the things that she could do on her own. When one nurse told her to go home, clean her house, and get some rest because she, the nurse, would take care of me that night. In her quiet sweet way, Yvonne softly said, "I'm staying." The nurse wasn't happy but she could not keep Yvonne from staying. When I needed to be bathed for a second surgery, the old nurse working that day insisted that she needed to do it. Yvonne looked at her and quietly said, “I have already taken care of it." That old nurse was not happy. She was still insisting that she needed to bathe me. She never got the chance to bathe me.

She was not only doing everything she could for me, she was also trying to help the nurses by taking some of their load off of them, and trying to make their jobs a little easier. She knew that when we got home, everything would be on her anyway.

When it became clear that I needed a feeding tube, she watched the nurses feed me a couple of times. Then she took over the job, asking lots of questions. At the time of this writing, she is still feeding me four times a day. She also has to crush my medicines and give them to me through the feeding tube. She carefully keeps me on a feeding schedule so that the feedings are spaced apart correctly.

As I have gotten stronger, I have been able to do more things for myself. She no longer has to help me get up from the bed. She no longer has to bathe me or wash my hair for me. She does still help me keep up with my medicines and appointments. She drives me to my doctor appointments. She still watches over me like a hawk. For the last month and a half we have been together almost every minute of the day and night. You may ask if we are tired of each other yet. The answer is, “NO!” That may not be romance, but it sure looks like love to me!

Yvonne is the new Wonder Woman!

Added Note:

I know that this essay will embarrass her. I would never do that on purpose. At the same time, I have to give credit to her for her amazing love and how she has taken care of me.

Update (2/16/2026)

I have been able to begin eating and drinking some as my throat has begun healing from the damage from the intubation. I am able to drive now but she still stands ready to take over if I am too tired.

Carl B. Seay

January 30, 2026