It was a beautiful Spring morning. The flowers were blooming and the leaves on the trees had returned. The cooler weather was just a memory to him. He loved the warmth of the sun on his back. The cooler weather of winter is not much fun when you sleep outside like he does. He is not homeless but his master refuses to let him in the house. It is probably the best that he stay outside anyway. The last time he got into the house, he left a mess on the floor and his master was not happy with him at all. So he stays outside even when it is cold or raining. He was tough enough to handle it, so he could not get mad at his master. He wasn't worried about anything. His mother was tied up beside him.

His name was Pablo. He was a young Spanish donkey. Even though he had a master, he had never been ridden, beaten, or put to work in the fields. Although he was so young, he was proud to be a donkey. He knew that people tended to look down on donkeys. Donkeys don't have the good reputation that some other animals have. Donkeys are considered to low in value. They aren't good for anything other than for transportation or for use in the fields for plowing.

But Pablo had some pride. He knew that throughout the centuries, there had been some donkeys that played important roles in history. Centuries ago, there had been a prophet named Balaam who had a talking donkey. It was the only donkey in the history of the world that had ever been able to talk. The patriarch Abraham had taken a donkey with him when God told him to sacrifice his son, Isaac. The donkey had carried the load of wood to be used on the altar.

Pablo was not entirely sure about this, but he had heard stories that Mary, the mother of Jesus had ridden a donkey to Bethlehem when she was pregnant with Jesus. That was just a rumor, but it did make sense. She would have had trouble walking that distance while being nine months pregnant. He had overheard the talks that his master had with his neighbors about Jesus. Some people said that he was a miracle worker. Some said that he was the coming Messiah. Others said that he was a fake prophet who faked the miracles. The word on the street was that the leaders of the Temple were seeking to arrest him and put him to death. Everyone in the country was talking about him even though no one could agree on whether he was the real Messiah or just a conman. Everyone had a opinion on the subject.

Pablo was sure that one day, he would get his chance to take his place in history. He would do something important. Everyone would know his name. It helped that, at least in his own mind, he was a rather handsome young donkey. Of course, his brothers and sisters all laughed at his ideas. Pablo did not come from an important family of donkeys. After all, they had been born and raised near a pig sty. His family was not anyone important. As far as his brothers and sisters were concerned, Pablo could dream about being the king of Israel. That was not going to happen and neither was anything else important going to happen in Pablo’s life.

There seemed to be something important going on nearby today. Pablo could hear the rumblings of loud talking and yelling not too far away. He started looking around to see what the uproar was about. He saw two men walking down the street looking all around. Maybe these men would know what situation was. The man on the left said to the other one, "Look. There are the two donkeys right where the Lord said they would be."

The men walked towards Pablo. Pablo felt confused as the men got closer. They apparently knew that he and his mother would be tied up right there. How is that possible? One man walked up to him and started untying his rope while the other one untied his mother. Pablo reared back so that the rope pulled tight. Pablo was a little afraid of these men. He had no idea who they were. He brayed loudly in fear. Pablo knew how to bray as loud as any donkey in Jerusalem.

His master heard the noise and came out to check on Pablo and his mother. His master would protect Pablo from these strangers. His master asked them, "Where are you going with my donkeys?"

The man on the left side answered, "The Lord has need of these donkeys immediately. We are taking them to him."

Pablo's master replied, "Okay. Take them then. Just bring them back when the Lord is finished with them."

The men left walking away with just a nod to the Master, leading the donkeys by their ropes. The very confused Pablo had no choice but to allow the men to lead him and his mother away from their home.

They walked down several city streets. As they walked along, the roar of the nearby crowd grew louder. Pablo was worried about what he was about to get into. He hoped that it wasn't a riot or revolution. A handsome young donkey could get killed that way. At least he had his mother along to protect him from any danger.

They walked through the city gates to outside the city. He saw a large crowd of people standing around talking. So, this was where all of the loud noises were coming from. Pablo thought that there must be several hundred people filling the streets. What is going on here? The people there seemed excited. They were all talking loudly, trying to talk over the roar of voices. The two men didn't seem worried. They led the two donkeys right through the crowd.

The men walked up to a man standing there outside the gate to the city. He was quietly and calmly standing with a number of other people. Pablo wondered who this man was. Why wasn't he excited like the rest of the crowd?

One of the men spoke up, "Lord, we found the donkeys right where you said they would be."

Pablo thought to himself, "This must be the Lord that the men were talking about who needed us. What could he want with us?"

The man, that the two men were calling the Lord, approached the donkeys. Some of the people in the crowd rushed forward and placed their cloaks across the donkeys. The man they called the Lord sat on the cloaks draped across the two donkeys so that he could ride in comfort. Many other people placed tree branches and their cloaks on the road leading into the city. Pablo was not sure about having this man ride on his and his mother's backs.

The people immediately began shouting, "Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest!"

Even more people from the city came running up asking what was going on. They had been attracted by the great noise. They were asking, "Who is this man? Is he someone important?"

The crowds shouted back in answer to their questions, "This is the prophet Jesus, from Nazareth of Galilee."

Pablo immediately raised his head in pride. This was the Jesus that everyone in the city had been discussing for months. Some people said that he might even be the Messiah. And he had chosen Pablo and his mother to carry him for his triumphal entry into Jerusalem. No one could ever look at Pablo again and think of him as a lowly donkey. He had been chosen by the Messiah to carry him into Jerusalem all the way to the Temple. Pablo was no longer a Nobody. He was someone important.

Carl B. Seay / April 9, 2026

Coming soon a new imprint.

Our nonfiction books are published by Pocataligo Books. Our novels will be published by Menehune Press, which is owned by Pocataligo Books in Danielsville, Georgia.

Keep an eye out for more news about this exciting endeavour soon.

According to Google, Valentine's Day is about celebrating love, affection, and romance. I think that we tend to think about it as more of a day for romance than for love. It has become a day for sending roses and a romantic card to the one you love. It has become a day to take your spouse or partner out to a fancy restaurant. It may even be the day that you kneel down and ask that person to marry you. Books, television shows, and movies have helped to train us to consider Valentine's Day as a day for romance. Is it about love or romance? Somehow romance is related to love but sometimes it is not always clear exactly what that link is due to the heavy emphasis on romance over love.

Do not misunderstand me. I have nothing against romance. I think that it is an important part of a relationship. After twenty-four and a half years of marriage, I still open the car door for my wife. I still try to do things that make her life simpler. I do my best to help her feel loved and valued. There are plenty of hugs, handholding, and “I love you”. I have learned to value her thoughts and ideas on subjects, even when I disagree with her. Romance is a great part of a marriage or relationship. It helps the other person feel loved.

Recently, I had occasion to reconsider the whole romance versus love subject. After a mild heart attack in December last year, I decided to follow the cardiologist's recommendation and have a triple bypass surgery. To be honest, it was a very hard decision for me to make, as I knew how hard it was on the patient after the surgery. I did it as much for her as much as I did it for me. To be honest, I did not want to go through the pain and the long and difficult recovery, but knew it was needed.

Once the surgery was over, I was able to see real love in action. There was nothing about romance to it. It was pure love in action. She was there by my side, other than the four days I was in ICU. Even then, she was there all day, but they would not let her stay at night. Once I was moved to a step down room, she was there night and day with me.

I couldn’t get out of bed without help. I could not get comfortable in the hospital bed without help. I could barely stand. I was very weak. There were very few things that I could do for myself. I could not sleep except for a few minutes at a time. I was miserable.

When the nurses came in to do things, Yvonne took over the things that she could do on her own. When one nurse told her to go home, clean her house, and get some rest because she, the nurse, would take care of me that night. In her quiet sweet way, Yvonne softly said, "I'm staying." The nurse wasn't happy but she could not keep Yvonne from staying. When I needed to be bathed for a second surgery, the old nurse working that day insisted that she needed to do it. Yvonne looked at her and quietly said, “I have already taken care of it." That old nurse was not happy. She was still insisting that she needed to bathe me. She never got the chance to bathe me.

She was not only doing everything she could for me, she was also trying to help the nurses by taking some of their load off of them, and trying to make their jobs a little easier. She knew that when we got home, everything would be on her anyway.

When it became clear that I needed a feeding tube, she watched the nurses feed me a couple of times. Then she took over the job, asking lots of questions. At the time of this writing, she is still feeding me four times a day. She also has to crush my medicines and give them to me through the feeding tube. She carefully keeps me on a feeding schedule so that the feedings are spaced apart correctly.

As I have gotten stronger, I have been able to do more things for myself. She no longer has to help me get up from the bed. She no longer has to bathe me or wash my hair for me. She does still help me keep up with my medicines and appointments. She drives me to my doctor appointments. She still watches over me like a hawk. For the last month and a half we have been together almost every minute of the day and night. You may ask if we are tired of each other yet. The answer is, “NO!” That may not be romance, but it sure looks like love to me!

Yvonne is the new Wonder Woman!

Added Note:

I know that this essay will embarrass her. I would never do that on purpose. At the same time, I have to give credit to her for her amazing love and how she has taken care of me.

Update (2/16/2026)

I have been able to begin eating and drinking some as my throat has begun healing from the damage from the intubation. I am able to drive now but she still stands ready to take over if I am too tired.

Carl B. Seay

January 30, 2026

There are no dragons in Georgia. Everyone knows that! Dragons lived in places like England where they had castles and kings. The dragon always took the damsel in distress and locked her in a tower (like Fiona in Shrek). Then the prince in the story had to slay the dragon to get her back. And by the way, dragons are never purple. Everyone knows that!

But maybe, just maybe there really was a dragon at one time that lived in Georgia. We don't know what happened to it, but here is the story - or at least as much as we know. Unlike the fairy tales, here is no prince in this story.

There was once a little girl named Kendal. She was a pretty girl. She was tall for her age. She liked to explore the woods behind her house. Although she liked her friends, she liked to spend time alone exploring the trails in the woods. She never went far because her mother would worry about her. Besides, she was afraid of getting lost in the woods. She was only 10 years old.

One day she was walking down her favorite path through the woods. The path led toward a beautiful waterfall that flowed down into a stream. She had been to the waterfall a few times before. She enjoyed looking at the waterfall and hearing the sound of the falling water. It was so relaxing.

On this particular day, she decided to walk all the way to the waterfall. She had lots of time to get there and enjoy the waterfall and still get back home before dark. She slowly walked along the path enjoying the trees and flowers in the woods. It smelled so nice because of the flowers. Kendal liked flowers a lot.

She could hear the waterfall long before she got close to it. The roar of the water falling 50 feet from the top of the hill sounded so nice. As she got to the last curve in the path before it got to the waterfall, she could see a flash of something purple through the tree branches.

"Purple!" she exclaimed softly. "There is nothing purple at the waterfall! What could that be?"

She slowed down her walk as she rounded the curve in the path. She moved quietly in case there was something dangerous in there. She just had to see what the purple thing was. She could not imagine what it was. These woods definitely did not have any purple trees growing in them. The waterfalls are never purple. What could it be?

Kendal carefully crept around the curve to get where she could see the waterfall. She peeked past the last tree.

"Wow!" she whispered. "What is that thing?"

Kendal had never seen anything like this before. Standing in front of her was a large purple animal. What was it? The huge animal was standing at the base of the waterfall. It was drinking water from the stream coming from the waterfall. At first, it did not move and Kendal didn’t think the creature saw her.

It slowly raised its head and turned around to face Kendal. It appears that it did sense that she was there after all, but it did not seem to be worried about her being there.

What was this strange creature? It was hard to describe. It had a long pointed tail. It had scales all over its body. It was huge. It must be at least 15 or 16 feet long. It was bigger than an elephant. All of a sudden, Kendal realized what the creature was. It looked exactly like the pictures of dragons in the fairy tale books. At the same time, it was somehow different. This dragon was purple all over. Who ever heard of a purple dragon? And what is a dragon doing here in Georgia? She had never heard of a dragon in Georgia before. This was crazy! Kendal was getting very confused!

The big purple dragon just calmly looked at her. Kendal stared back at the amazing dragon. While the creature was huge, it did not seem to be a danger to her. After all, there was no fire or smoke coming out of its nose. But just in case, Kendal was ready to run toward home as fast as her legs could carry her.

Since the dragon had seen her, Kendal took three more steps forward. She shakily said, "Hello."

In a deep voice the dragon asked, "Hello. Who are you?"

"You can talk?" asked Kendal.

"Of course I can talk!" roared the dragon. "How else could we communicate with each other?"

"Oh, okay," answered Kendal. "I didn't know dragons could talk. My name is Kendal."

"Hello there, Kendal. What are you doing here at my waterfall?"

"Your waterfall? I had no idea that it was your waterfall. I didn't see any signs anywhere that said, 'Keep Out! Beware of the Purple Dragon.'"

"Well, now you know. No one is supposed to know about this place. It is my secret hiding space."

Kendal asked, "Mr. Dragon, Can I ask you a question?"

"I guess you can ask," the dragon replied. "But my name is not Mr. Dragon. Do I really look like a boy dragon? Now, what is your question?"

"Why are you purple?"

"I was born that way. My father, Robert, was purple. My mother, Alexis, was purple. My baby brother, Aiden, was purple. Is being purple a problem?"

"No, of course not! I was just curious. I have never seen a purple dragon before. To be honest, I have never seen a dragon before of any color."

"If you have never seen a dragon, how do you know dragons aren't purple?"

"I guess you are right. I didn't mean to be rude,” Kendal answered."

"It's okay this time. But you still haven't answered my question about what you are doing here."

"I like to come out here to look at the waterfall and think about stuff."

"I can understand that. I come here to think and enjoy the waterfall also."

"What do dragons have to think about?" she asked.

"I mostly think about little girls invading my quiet space!"

"Oops! I’m sorry!"

The dragon told her, "I am just picking on you. You can come back anytime you want. Just don't bring anyone else or tell them about me."

"Thank you! I won't tell anyone about you. They would never believe me anyway."

"How about doing this, yell my name when you get close so I know that you are coming.” The dragon softly added, “ I don't have any friends any more."

"Do you really want to be my friend? What do I call you?"

The dragon told her, "My name is Katie. And yes, I guess I do need one friend. Everyone needs a friend. Even if that friend isn't purple."

Kendal laughed at that and said, "I don't have a lot of friends myself. I don't mind being your ‘unpurple’ friend. Can I come back tomorrow and see you?"

Katie replied, "Yes! Please come back and we will talk more."

Kendal smiled and said, "Yes, I will be back tomorrow. Goodbye, Katie, my large purple friend!"

Carl B. Seay

September 1, 2025

Brrrrr. It is so cold outside. The wind is blowing hard and a few snowflakes have started falling. There is a light dusting of white starting to cover the trees and the grass. No creatures or people are stirring around. It is just way too cold outside.

It is nice and warm inside his home though. There is no wind or snow inside. There is a roaring fire in the fireplace keeping everything comfortable. Near the fireplace is a large stack of firewood so he will not have to go outside for a while. Hanging from the mantel are two stockings. The larger stocking has a ‘F’ on it and the smaller stocking has an ‘O’ on it. On top of the mantle there is an ancient mantle clock ticking away. It was made back in the 19th century. The clock mechanism has to be wound up every few days or the ticking will stop. Although the clock is so old, it still chimes the hours on the hour. This beautiful clock was passed down from his grandparents and it is his most treasured possession. The clock now says that the time is 11:45 at night. It is Christmas Eve and it is almost the magic hour – midnight.

The room is comfortable but it has only a few pieces of furniture. There is a sofa and a coffee table to the side. He sits in his comfortable recliner chair. These are the only pieces of furniture in the room. It is all that he needs. Even the sofa is not needed often as he rarely has visitors and he likes it that way.

There is a decorated Christmas tree a few feet from the fireplace. There are strings of popcorn, ornaments, and tinsel hanging on the tree. There are no lights on the tree because he does not have electricity – he decided many years ago that he didn’t need any electricity. He does fine without it. The fire in the fireplace and an old-fashioned oil lantern are the only light in the room.

The room is not very big or fancy, but it is comfortable and cozy. He likes the room just as it is. It is big enough for him since he almost never has company. All of his friends moved away many years ago. They begged him to move with them to a warmer climate but he has no desire to move away. He is comfortable and he has everything that he needs. He misses his friends but doesn't mind being alone.

He has been alone for more years than he cares to think about. No one ever comes to visit him any more. Of course, he lives way out in the woods. The path to his place is not easy to find. He had never needed to own a car. Even the Post Office and Amazon can't find him. Google never heard of him and doesn’t believe that he exists. He is alone but he likes it that way. He is getting old and he is becoming grumpy. He is sure that no one would want to be around him any more. He is getting so old that all of his joints ache. It is no wonder that he is grouchy. As long as he has firewood in the fireplace to fight the chill of his home and has food in his pantry to eat, he is happy. Without anyone to talk to other than Otto, he sometimes even has trouble remembering his own name. His name is Franklin but his friends have always called him Frankie. He is okay with not remembering his name sometimes, since he really doesn’t like it too much. He would love to have a better name, but he was stuck with what his parents gave him.

Since it is getting late he is dozing in front of the fire. He is as happy as an old grouch can be. No one is around to disturb his peace. His faithful companion, Otto, is stretched out on the floor beside him. Otto is his only companion. They both are happy and content. Did I mention that his home is a cave? How he came to live in a cave is an interesting story that we will discuss at another time. That story also involves the adventure where Otto became his companion when he rescued Otto from some men who were hunting raccoons. Those men’s dogs had actually chased Otto up into a tree. By the way, Otto is a raccoon – that is why the dogs had been chasing him. We will relate that story at another time.

Everything is quiet. Frankie is snoozing in his chair and Otto is curled up on the rug beside him. The mantle clock ringing in midnight interrupts the peaceful silence. Otto and Frankie don’t stir a muscle. They are so used to the gong of the clock sounding every hour on the hour that it doesn’t disturb them. They both keep on lightly snoring. They probably will not wake up until the next morning.

Suddenly, there is a loud rattling noise in the fireplace. Frankie awakes with a start and says, “What is that? What is going on?” At that, Otto finally snorts awake. He looks up at Frankie in puzzlement.

Frankie says, “Don’t blame me, Otto. I heard something and it woke me up.”

They both sit quietly and listen carefully. They are soon rewarded for their patience and hear some more rattling sounds coming from the fireplace.

Frankie tells Otto, “I think we may have a burglar. I can’t imagine what they are doing way out here though. We don’t have anything worth stealing.”

They both sit quietly waiting to see what will happen next. Sure enough, soon there is more rustling noises and soot beginning to fall into the fireplace. The fire is still burning but it has died down some.

Frankie whispers to Otto, “That burglar sure has a hot surprise waiting on him. Let’s sit back and watch what happens. I bet he tries to scoot back up that chimney real quick.”

More soot begins falling. There is a lot of rustling noises. The bottom of a pair of boots appears in the fireplace. There is a clicking sound coming out of the fireplace. Suddenly, the fire in the fireplace goes out and even the smoke disappears.

Frankie says, “Well, there goes the hot surprise. Let’s see who this brave intruder is!”

The shoes slowly lower and some red pants appear in the fireplace. Eventually a white-haired man with a beard is standing in the fireplace. He is covered in soot from the chimney. He seems surprised to see a raccoon lying on a rug on the floor and an old dragon sitting in an extra large recliner.

Looking puzzled, he says, “Frankie and Otto, I presume.”

Frankie asks him, “Who are you? Why did you break into my home? And why did you turn off my fire on the coldest night of the year? This cave gets awfully cold fast.”

The man just laughs and laughs. When he laughs, his large belly and his whole body shake. “Do you really not know who I am? I actually go by many different names, but you can call me Santa.”

Frankie is startled, “Santa? As in the Santa Claus person?”

“Of course! Who else would come down your chimney on Christmas Eve?”

Otto stares at Santa in confusion. He shakes his head like he cannot believe what he is seeing.

Frankie asks Santa, “Okay, if you say so. Why would Santa come to visit an old dragon?”

Santa tells him, “The names Frankie and Otto showed up on my list this year for the first time. For some reason your names have been omitted on my lists previously. There must have been some type of glitch in our computer systems. I sure didn’t expect to find an ancient dragon and a raccoon here though.”

Frankie exclaims, “Well, that explains why I have never seen you before, but why are you here this year? Since I don’t get mail service here, I am sure I didn’t send a Dear Santa letter to the North Pole!”

Santa answers him, “Like I said, your names appeared on my list for needing toys this year, so here I am. I was expecting a couple of children. I normally don’t deliver toys to dragons and raccoons. I am already here now though so I need to give you your presents. There is no need to take them back to the North Pole”

At that, Otto quickly runs up to Santa and runs up his leg. He is obviously ready for his present. Frankie laughs at this. “I guess Otto is ready. Go ahead and give us our presents so you can get on in your travels to deliver presents to all the kids around the world.”

Santa reaches back into the large bag that he had brought down the chimney with him. Frankie could not imagine how Santa had managed to get that huge bag down the chimney – magic maybe. Santa brings out a small stuffed toy raccoon and handed it to Otto. Otto quickly snatches the stuffed animal and runs back to his rug beside Frankie’s chair. He curls up tight with the toy and goes back to sleep. It is clear that he loves his Christmas present.

Santa tells Frankie, “I’m glad that Otto is happy. Now for you, my list says that you have always wanted a yo-yo.”

Frankie sniffs and answers, “Years ago I saw a little boy playing with one. It looked like he had so much fun with it. My parents, being dragons, never had money for toys. Thank you!”

Santa hands the yoyo to Frankie, “Now I must be off. There are millions of children all over the world waiting for their Christmas presents.” With that he twinkles his nose and he disappeared with his bag of toys. Far off in the distance Frankie could hear sleigh bells ringing and the whooshing sound of a large sleigh pulled by reindeer taking flight into the sky. There is also a faint sound of, “Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Christmas and a Good Night to all!”

Frankie, feeling a little less grouchy now, says, “Wow! That was something special. Did that really happen or did I dream it?” Glancing down he noticed that he really did have a brand new yo-yo in his hand. “Now I have to figure out how to use this yo-yo since Santa forgot to leave me the instructions for it.”

Carl B. Seay
December 12, 2025

    In spite of the heat, something magic will take place on that special day and time. What makes that day so special? And what exactly makes it magic? And what is so special and magical about the number twenty-four anyway? It is just another number, isn't it? Well, the number twenty-four indicates twenty-four years. The magic actually started twenty-four years before the date indicated above.

    The magic had its start in the city of Toccoa, Georgia. The exact location was at Toccoa Falls on the campus of Toccoa Falls College. The starting date was Saturday, June 30, 2001. The time was about 10:00 AM. There was a light rain coming down that morning. Almost all of the attendees at the magic event (a few friends and family members) were holding umbrellas as they walked down the path to the beautiful 186-foot tall waterfall. The falls, as usual, were spectacular. A local pastor was there in his suit and holding an umbrella. And no, none of the people there had any idea just how magical this event would eventually become.

    Toccoa Falls is one of my favorite waterfalls in north Georgia. Somehow though, my eyes were not on the majestic waterfall that morning. My eyes were on the beautiful woman standing there who had agreed to marry me. It had been quite a surprise to me that she had agreed to marry me since my record on relationships was not the best. Evidently, she saw something deep in me that the others could not see.  

    So twenty-four years ago, in the rain and in front of a beautiful waterfall, that I had little reason to look at on that magical day, I married the woman of my dreams. I married the woman that quickly became my soul mate and best friend.

    On that day twenty-four years ago, I loved her so much that I did not think that I could love her any deeper. Over the years, I found out that I was wrong about that, I learn to appreciate her more every year. I have learned that when you are married to the right person there is no limit to your love for them. You love them more every year.

    This woman has now nursed me through two major cancer battles. She has literally picked me up off the floor when I have fallen. At times, she has taken over chores that I normally took care of when I was no longer able to do them. Twice she has rushed me to the emergency room when I thought I was dying.

    Yes, June 30, 2025 will be a magic day. The number 'twenty-four' becomes magic on that day. It will mark twenty-four years since I stood in the rain in front of an amazing waterfall and married the woman that I probably did not deserve. And now, twenty-four years later, we are going stronger than ever. Neither one of us can imagine life without the other one. Now, that is truly magic!    

    And by the way, that magical woman is still just as beautiful. She has aged by twenty-four years just like I have. She is still beautiful to me. But even more important than her outward beauty is her inner beauty. She is a magical creature!

Carl B. Seay

June 20, 2025

Time marches on. It seems like there was no beginning to time and that there will be no ending.
Time speeds up and it slows down. It keeps on marching!.
Tic.Tic.Tic.
Then there is hospital time. It still ticks on, sort of. Each tick is no longer 1 second long. Each tick of the clock may last 5 minutes. Sometimes each tick lasts an hour or longer. And then there are those times each when every tick moves back an hour. You just never know.
2:30! An hour ago it was 3:30. What happened?
Give up on trying to figure it out. You are now on hospital time.
Hospital rules do not obey any natural rules. It moves at its own pace. It can slow down or speed up. The only time hospital times speeds up is when you have surgery. You wake up and it is much later in the day. While it speeds up for you, hospital time slows to a crawl for your loved ones.
You do not control hospital time.
It controls you!

Tic.
Tic.
Tic.

Time marches on except when you are on hospital time.

Carl B. Seay
January 17, 2026

Even those times that you do not have time to sit down and write or edit your book, your thoughts are on your book. Ideas come to you as you shower or lie down to sleep. As you drive, your thoughts are on your book. Every book you read becomes a search for a thought or idea that just might make your book a little better. As you are talking to your spouse, the thoughts in the back of your head are struggling on how to word a sentence better. As you are taking your daily walk, you worry about if your book is successful in making your point. Is it simple enough? Is it too complicated?  Did you succeed in reaching your targeted audience? What could you do better to make the book clearer? How could it be worded better? how do you come across as knowing what you are talking about without appearing to be arrogant?

Someone asks if you have been working on your book. Sometime the answer is that we have not had time to actually sit down and write, but the truth is that we are still actively working on it. That is because we are living in our book and it is living within us. The book has become us and we have become the book.

Memories are strange creatures. They can be triggered by smell, a song, a person, or anything else that brings a memory from the past flooding through your mind. This is particularly true if the past event was one that brought a strong emotional response - either positive or negative. The memory may be of a past relationship, a loved-one who is no longer around, a special event, or sometimes a painful or difficult event in your life.

This happened to me a few nights ago. It was late and I was wasting time on Facebook before going to sleep. I was looking through a few short random videos. I came across a very short video about a gentleman who was receiving his last radiation treatment for cancer. In this short video they were unsnapping his radiation mask from the table and then removing the mask off of him. The video was only about 5 or 6 seconds long. Memories immediately flooded my mind from my cancer treatments 8 years ago. The man's mask immediately reminded me of my mask.

After checking the calendar, realized that 8 years ago today was my last radiation treatment for Stage IV Throat Cancer. My treatment plan included six chemotherapy treatments to assist the 35 radiation treatments.

Now, just having cancer is scary enough. When you know that you have a disease that will kill you if you do not get treatment for it will tend to shake you up pretty well. The chemo-treatments are scary even though you are sitting in a nice comfortable recliner with an IV hooked up to your arm. That is, it is not that bad until you see the nurse coming at you with a bag of poison to put into your IV.

Radiation treatment for people with cancer is another whole animal. You have to lie down on a table that is attached to this loud humming machine with its dangerous radiation. When the machine moves its head in place to beam the radiation in exactly measured amounts at you, your mind goes some pretty unpleasant places.

Remember when I was talking earlier about the short video I watched where they were unsnapping the cancer patient from the table? That is the part about radiation treatment for throat cancer patients that I did not tell you about. Because the radiation beam is so tightly calculated to reach the cancer without harming other body parts any more than necessary, they make a large mask that is made for you. This mask snaps down to the board so that you can not move your head, neck, or shoulders during treatment. If you look at the photo of my mask at the top of the page, you will see that it has holes in it. You can see a little bit with the mask holding you tightly to the table. You can talk a little bit but it is awkward. You can even breathe a little bit - but not too deeply. In other words, it is very confining, awkward, and uncomfortable. And did I mention that you can't move? It is one way to discover if you are claustrophobic or not.

And in case you are wondering, I do still have my mask. The picture at the top of the page is my personal radiation therapy mask. At the end of my treatment they gave it to me to keep. It now lives in my hallway at home as a constant reminder of the pain from the cancer and the horrible side effects of the treatments that I went through. It is also a reminder that I am still alive because of those treatments.

Every hotel and motel was sold out moths in advance at double the normal rates. Because of the Olympics every possible event location was rented out. That was not a problem, she would have the ceremony and the reception in our back yard. They didn't have the money to rent a place for the event anyway.

At the time, I worked for a major convention hotel in Atlanta. Normally I would be able to borrow any tables, chairs, chafing dishes, and serving utensils that I needed for free from the hotel. Like every other hotel, it was booked solid for the duration of the Olympics. This also meant that they were busy with dinners and receptions. Finally they were able to free up a few items to allow us to get by for a small wedding reception. It wasn't much, but we made do with what they loaned us.

Also during that time, Bob Carlisle had released a new song Butterfly Kisses that had started becoming popular. I had not heard the song and did not know what it was about. Rhonda decided she had to play that song during her reception for me. She was able to find and buy the CD with the song on it. She knew that I was very conflicted about her getting married. My little girl had grown up and was getting married.

During the reception, it came time for the song. She called me up in front of everyone and put her arm around me. She had someone start the song playing. (Remember I had never heard it). I confess I stood there in front of everyone with tears streaming down my face. It is hard to let your daughter go. And in spite of all my failures, my daughter still loved me. Somehow, Bob Carlisle wrote and sang the perfect song for my daughter's wedding.

In case you are not familiar with the song, I have included some of the lyrics.

Lyrics (partial)

by Bob Carlisle

There's two things I know for sure She was sent here from heaven And she's daddy's little girl As I drop to my knees by her bed at night She talks to Jesus And I close my eyes And I thank God for all of the joy in my life Oh, but most of all For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer  

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right To deserve a hug every morning And butterfly kisses at night

Spread your wings and fly She'll change her name today She'll make a promise And I'll give her away Standing in the bride-room Just staring at her She asked me what I'm thinking And I said, "I'm not sure" "I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl" And she leaned over Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair "Walk me down the aisle, Daddy, it's just about time" "Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy?" "Daddy, don't cry"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right To deserve her love every morning And butterfly kisses I couldn't ask God for more Man, this is what love is I know I gotta let her go But I'll always remember Every hug in the morning And butterfly kisses

The driving force behind this family tradition and also the glue that held the family so closely together was my mother-in-law. Everyone in the family calls her Grandma. She loved her extended family and loved having all of them under one roof - eating, talking, and laughing. It was the opportunity to have her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and all of their spouses, partners along their children together. Grandma loved everyone and everyone loved Grandma. She was a quiet woman that somehow made an impact on her family and all of her friends.

One thing you have to understand about Grandma is that she grew up dirt poor in the South. So she knew how to stretch food to feed as many people as were there to ready to eat. So, the more people who showed up at these gatherings all the better. She would find a way to find everyone something to eat - even if it meant that she did without food herself. She grew up in a time when you did not buy loaf bread. Instead, you made homemade biscuits every day. Biscuits were an everyday thing in her home. You might not have much else to eat but you always had biscuits.

Another thing you need to know about Grandma is that she made the best dressing in the world. If you don't believe me, just ask any of her children or grandchildren. I am not sure what she did that made her dressing different but it was different from anyone else's dressing. Everyone in the family was happy when Thanksgiving came because Grandma would be making her dressing and gravy. When the family members had opportunities to eat turkey and dressing cooked by someone else, they were never quite happy. They could not help comparing it to Grandma's dressing and the other dressing was just not Grandma's dressing.

This year Thanksgiving will be much different. The driving force behind regularly meeting together and the glue that held the family so closely together is no longer here. Last December at the age of 90, the matriarch of the family passed away. What a great loss this was to the family! So the question is, What will Thanksgiving look like this year? It will be more difficult to get everyone to meet without Grandma. She was the primary reason for the tradition. The family is still close but is this enough without her? Where is the incentive to gather together for Thanksgiving without Grandma's dressing? Only time will tell. One thing for sure is that even if the extended family does meet together, Thanksgiving will never be the same again without Grandma and her dressing.

How do you write a tribute to someone who is quiet and unassuming? How  do you write about someone who never won an election or any great awards or recognition? How do you write about someone who by the world's standards was no one important? However, with her quiet, sweet, and loving personality, she stood out in an amazing way. She was well loved and respected by everyone who came in contact with her.

Katie Mae Patterson was born on August 27, 1931. Her family was poor and never obtained wealth, fame, or fortune. She married Robert Donald Patterson. Together they had six children - three sons and three daughters. Life was never easy for them but Katie was a good wife and mother. She worked very hard to provide for her family.

Little did she know that life was about to become even more difficult. One night her husband had a fatal heart attack. He was only fifty years old. At that time, Katie was left to finish raising her four younger children alone while working to provide a home for them. The difficult life now became even harder. Katie was never one to complain about her circumstances. She just did what had to be done. She continued to work hard to do what she did best - love, provide, and care for her family.

Katie was a quiet and caring woman. She was always working to care for others. She was not one to argue or insist on expressing her views to others. At the same time, she was confident and unshakable in her faith in God. She remained faithful to her church and to her faith. She quietly studied the Bible and spent time in prayer for those who were sick, hurting, or in need. She might not have much, but she was quick to share what she had. If you visited her home, she would offer to fix you something to eat. It would not matter how little food she had available, she would find something  to fix and make it stretch so that no one would go hungry. At family gatherings, she was usually the last one to get her food. She was always worried that there might not be enough food for everyone. She would rather go hungry herself than not to have enough food for everyone else. She remained this way until her last days on earth.

There are so many other examples I could give such as stepping in to help raise her grandchildren when she was needed. The last nine months of her life, Yvonne and I were blessed to be able to welcome her into our home when she was no longer able to properly care for herself. Even then, she hated being a burden on anyone. She wanted to help others, not be dependent on others to help her.

When I think of Katie, there are a couple of Bible scriptures that come to mind. Proverbs 31:10 (KJV) says, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." That is a good description of Katie. She was one of a kind - a precious jewel.

Another Scripture that reminds me of Katie is 1 Peter 3:3-5: "Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:"

Katie's real beauty did not come from putting on fancy clothes or jewels. Her true beauty came from within. Her beauty came from her faith in God and her faithfulness to try to live a life pleasing to God. I truly suspect that she succeeded in these endeavors. I am confident that when Katie passed from this world to her reward, she was welcomed with open arms and greeted with the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant".

Without God, there would not be love. The Bible has a lot to tell us about love and its relationship with God. Love actually comes from God. God is love. 1 John 4:7-12 says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God that He has loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God: if we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us." (ESV). That makes it clear that God is love. If we love God then we must also love others.

How much does God love us? As John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world. that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." That is powerful love. We did not love Him first, but He loves us. We did not deserve that love. God does not love us because we are beautiful, smart, artistic, or talented.

The Apostle John has a lot to say about love. Some people even call him the love apostle. In 1 John 4:13-20, he states, "By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because he has given us His Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent His Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as He is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him; whoever loves God must love his brother."

Jesus also had a lot to say about love. Remember to the Jews in Jesus' day the Law and the Commandments were vital to their worship of God. In Matthew 22, when the lawyer asked Jesus which of the commandments was the greatest in the Law, Jesus replied in verses 37-40, "And He said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.'" The Ten Commandments as we know them have now been condensed into two commandments and there are both about love. First we are to love God and then we are to love others. Not only are we to love them but we are to love them as you love yourself.  Interestingly, this is not a suggestion or request for us. It is a commandment!

This above tells us where love comes from (from God) but still does not tell us what love is exactly. Did the Bible give us a guideline how we are to love our neighbor as ourselves? The answer is yes. God's standard about love can be found in 1 Corinthians 13. Let me warn you ahead of time that God's style of love is not easy. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a states, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." I don't know about you but those are pretty tough standards to keep even with those who love you most. More than that though, is that God expects us to love pour neighbors in the same manner. Talk about something hard to do. One more thing to think about - in Matthew 5:44, Jesus says, "But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

Let's all admit that in our nature, this type is impossible. This type of love can only come from God. Only God can place this type of love within us. We just are not capable of producing this type of love without God. This even means we must love the unlovable. We must love those who hate us, revile us, call us names, harm us, etc. This also means that you have to love your exes, abusive partners, and whoever else is impossible to love. I suspect that we all have failed to love others as God expects to. We need to ask God to help us learn to love others like He expects us to love them.

(Please note that this post is now available in PDF format: https://carlseay.com/static/everything.pdf)

Introduction

I have felt for quite a while now that I should write about my experiences from when I had cancer in 2015. It is at times an uncomfortable story so I kept wondering if anyone would be interested in reading it at all. The story is full of pain, discomfort, and uncomfortable tests and treatments. because of this, I kept putting off writing about it. The feeling that I should write about this experience never went away. This experience was extremely difficult and painful and it is not easy to put into words how this experience affected me physically, spiritually, and emotionally. As can be expected, cancer changed my life in so many ways – for both good and bad. When someone has cancer, their life is permanently changed and they will never return to be the same as they were before. This change is usually a negative one but may bring about some positive changes as well.

To be honest, this makes this a difficult (and painful) subject to write about. I hope that what I write will encourage some and be a blessing to others. Besides the pain and difficulty that cancer itself brings, cancer treatments are often so uncomfortable and drastic that they bring high levels of pain and suffering. This battle was not an easy one. There were many times that I did know how I could survive. I am still not sure how I survived the treatments other than through God’s grace. At the same time, I knew that God was in control and I believed that He would get me through it. I also recognized that this might be my time to leave this life so I had to accept that possibility and be prepared for it. I have never told anyone this whole story or written it down before. Of course, Yvonne traveled this path with me and suffered much through this journey. For so long, I was so thankful that God got me through this and I was still alive that I didn’t want to be seen as complaining by fully explaining just how horrible this event was to Yvonne and me.

My point in this story is to encourage people going through this and to inform them what cancer treatment can look like. My story may be different than yours. Different cancers call for different treatments. There is a wide variety of chemotherapy available and they have different side effects. People also tend to react to chemotherapy differently. And many cancers call for different types of surgery depending on location and type of cancer. So, please do not let my story scare you or keep you from getting treatment. It is here to inform you of what to expect. And remember; God is in control whatever happens. I wish I could say everyone will survive cancer but that does not happen. But as my friend Debbie told her doctor when he told her that she only had months to live from cancer, "You don't get to tell me when I die. Only my God can do that!" Several years later she is still alive even though she has battled multiple cancers.

Recognition

There are several people that I must recognize because of their roles in this story. I truly believe with all of my heart that it is only by the grace of God that I am still alive today. I cannot explain why God allowed me to live when so many others do not.  

First of all, I have to recognize my wife Yvonne. She became my caretaker at home. I cannot give her enough credit for helping me survive this ordeal. She was the one who literally had to pick me up off the floor numerous many times when I collapsed. Sometimes I was able to get up on my own while other times I could not get up without help. During this time, she was working part-time while trying to take care of me. Twice she had to rush me to the Emergency Room. It is just as hard on the caretaker as it is on the patient. It is so hard to see the one you love going through this and not know if they will survive this ordeal or not.

There were so many friends and family who kept me in their prayers and offered constant encouragement. Although I was not up to having company, their encouragement and prayers were an unbelievable encouragement to us. My old friends Randall and Cheryl Crain sent me an amazing care package in the middle of my treatment. More important than the actual items in the package was the thought behind it. This care package meant so much to Yvonne and me. My children – Rhonda, Kimberly, and Carl encouraged me from a distance. My step-sons Daevid and Tim encouraged me. Many churches, especially The Grove in Maysville, Georgia, and Sonlight Baptist Church in Colbert, Georgia were amazing in their support and prayers. Also, many other churches that friends and family members attend also had me on their prayer lists. So many family and friends contacted us to tell us that their churches were praying for us. Other friends and family also sent cards or called to check on us often. So many friends and relatives all over the country were in constant prayer for us. There is so much encouragement and comfort in knowing that people all around the country are praying for you.

Brenda Mealer is a special friend of ours who attends church at The Grove. Brenda and her husband Henry were a special encouragement to us. She sent several cards to us. Those times that we were not able to attend church, she would call Yvonne to check on us and to remind us that she was praying for us. Those times when I was able to attend church, Brenda and her husband Henry were among the first to run up to hug our necks. I cannot emphasize enough how much of an encouragement Brenda was to Yvonne and me during this time. Brenda spent much time in prayer for us.

I have to state with no doubts in my mind at all that it is only by the grace of God that I am still alive today. I cannot emphasize this enough. I thank God daily for allowing me to see another day. I have no idea why God allowed me to live through cancer while others do not.  

I have chosen a title for this story that has nothing to do with cancer directly, but there is a reason for this title though. This reason will become clear in the section below entitled Giving Thanks. Please note that I am a Christian – a believer and follower in Jesus Christ. Because of this, everything that takes place in my life is looked at through the lens of the Bible and my relationship with God. I am unable to separate things that take place in my life from my relationship with our Creator. I understand that this offends some people. My intention is not to offend anyone but at the same time, I am unable to separate incidents like my cancer from my relationship with Christ.

December 2014

Although my cancer was not found and diagnosed until March 2015, this story actually began in December of 2014. That month was a miserable time for me physically. I was still working full-time at the University of Georgia and was working full time on my Master's degree from the seminary at Liberty University. I was battling major sinus problems. At the same time, I began having trouble swallowing. I was also battling what was later was diagnosed as pneumonia. It took several doctor visits before they were able to diagnose and correctly treat that. Along with these problems, I had a chronic earache in my left ear that refused to go away. The doctor could not see anything very wrong with the ear and thought it was probably fluid buildup. After a chest x-ray, the doctor prescribed some antibiotics for pneumonia. I started feeling better but still had chronic earache and difficulty swallowing. Earaches are not supposed to last for several months at a time.

March 2015

One Thursday early in March 2015, I had another follow-up visit with my primary care doctor, Mary Bond. She thanked me for being patient with them as it took a while to track down pneumonia. As part of my examination, she felt my lymph nodes in my neck as doctors always do. She immediately gave me a funny look and asked me how long the lymph nodes in the left side of my neck had been swollen. I replied that I had noticed them a few days before but that I thought the swelling had gone down so I hadn’t worried about it too much.

I could tell that Dr. Bond was very concerned. She had Ruby, her nurse, make me an appointment for a CAT scan of my head and neck area for the next morning (Friday). I was not overly concerned about it but was a little concerned because Dr. Bond was not the type to overreact.  

On Friday, I went to work as normal. I left work long enough to go get the CAT scan and then returned to work. I was not too worried about it as I worked. I figured that Dr. Bond would let me know what was going on. That evening, as I drove home from work, Dr. Bond called me on my cell phone. I was surprised as I knew that she normally didn't work on Fridays. She told me that she had already gotten the results of the CAT scan back. It showed a lump in my throat and several lumps on the left side of my neck. She had already talked to my ENT Dr. Mixson before calling me. She explained that Dr. Mixson thought there was a fifty percent chance that the lumps were something serious. She told me to be at Dr. Mixson's office on Monday morning at 11:00 and they would fit me into the schedule. I knew then that there was a chance that we were looking at cancer even though Dr. Bond did not use the word cancer during this conversation. I could tell that she was very worried.

Yvonne and I were concerned that weekend while we waited for my appointment with Dr. Mixson on Monday morning. However, we did not let it upset or worry us too much. We felt like God was in control no matter what was going on. That weekend we did not tell anyone what was going on because we did not want to worry anyone before we knew for sure what the problem was. At the same time, we had the weekend to pray about the situation and to prepare for the possibility of cancer.

The following Monday, Yvonne and I went to Dr. Mixson's office. They were able to squeeze me into the schedule. Dr. Mixson looked concerned but not overly so. He explained that he was going to scope me to see what he could see in my throat. He had previously scoped my sinuses so I was familiar with the procedure. To explain: When the doctor has you open your mouth and sticks in the used popsicle stick in your mouth to look at your throat, he or she can still only see a portion of your throat. To see the entire throat area better, the doctor must scope you. This involves running a scope with a tiny camera and light at the end of it through your nose. The doctor curves it down into your throat area. The camera displays the picture back to a monitor and also records it to a flash drive. This is not a painful procedure but it is an uncomfortable one. I became extremely acquainted with this procedure as I had to endure it numerous times over the next five and a half years.

As soon as the camera reached my throat area and the picture appeared on the monitor, Dr. Mixson grimaced. I knew then the diagnosis was cancer. He pulled the scope out and told us that he was sorry but that I had throat cancer. He was able to see cancer on the base of my tongue. Of course, Yvonne and I immediately had many questions about what we needed to do. At this point, if I had cancer I was ready to start treatment as soon as possible. Little did I know that the start of treatment would take two or three weeks to begin.

Since the CAT scan that Dr. Bond had ordered for me also showed several lumps in the lymph nodes in the left side of my neck, Dr. Mixson wanted to do a needle biopsy on my neck. At that point, I agreed to it as I was ready to do anything needed to get started on treating the cancer and getting better. He tried to warn me how uncomfortable this procedure was. It was still a surprise. He numbed the skin area of my neck with Novocain. The Novocain did numb the skin area but not inside my neck. The long needle went into my neck three times to obtain the biopsy samples. I won't lie - it hurt! The biopsy was then sent to the lab to be tested for cancer. Dr. Mixson called me a couple of days later and confirmed that the biopsy did test positive for cancer in my lymph nodes. Because cancer had spread to my neck lymph nodes, it was considered Stage IV.

My biggest surprise came next. I had been diagnosed with Stage IV throat cancer – squamous cell carcinoma. I was ready to get started on treatment. Let’s get started on taking care of this problem now before it grows worse and spreads further throughout the body. It had already spread to the lymph nodes of my neck. I do not want to go through this, but if I have to go through this, let’s get started on treatment today. To my surprise, the doctors were not ready to begin treatment yet. One problem was that they wanted to make sure everything was set to go because once treatment begins, they do not want to stop it to take care of other issues. The start of treatment can wait a week or two, but once it begins, they do not want to pause treatment for anything unless it is an absolute emergency.

Because radiation and chemotherapy are extremely hard on the mouth area, I had to go see my dentist to make sure everything was in good shape before treatment began. Under the circumstances, my dentist got me in quickly and fixed a couple of small cavities so that treatment could begin. Dr. Mixson stated that he did not want to initially do surgery to remove the cancer from my tongue because that would cause me to have to need a temporary tracheotomy. I agreed with his decision as no one wants a tracheotomy – even if it is temporary.

For the next step, I had to select which radiation oncologist and which medical (chemo) oncologist I was going to use. I had several friends that had battled cancer and they highly recommended Dr. Richard Loyd at Cancer Specialists of Georgia (Northside Cancer Institute) for the chemotherapy. Dr. Loyd was a great choice and a very special doctor. He made me feel like he was a friend as well as my oncologist. Although I was not always happy with a few of his staff, I never regretted selecting Dr. Loyd.

I had no idea who to choose for the radiation oncologist so I asked Dr. Mixson who he would recommend. He recommended Dr. Gordon Schoenfeld at University Blood and Cancer Center. I said okay and asked why he recommended Dr. Schoenfeld. He related that when his father needed radiation treatment he researched all of the radiation oncologists in the Athens area and Dr. Schoenfeld was the one who had the most up-to-date and advanced training and equipment. That sounded good to me so I agreed with his recommendation. I was happy with this choice and grew to appreciate Dr. Schoenfeld and his great staff.

Special note: When you are battling cancer for your life, the doctors and their medical staffs become an important part of your life. Instead of seeing your doctor once or twice a year, you are seeing these doctors weekly or even several times a week. You soon learn to depend on them for your life. They are making decisions every time you see them that will help determine if you live or not. It is much more than a normal doctor and patient relationship.

Five-year survival rate

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, they immediately relate cancer to a death sentence because many times it is. Fortunately, medicine has come a long way over the years and they are making great advances in cancer treatment and survivor rates. So, one of the first questions a newly diagnosed cancer patient has for the doctor is what the five-year survivor rate is. As I quickly learned, this number is not set in stone and it depends on who you ask as to what answer you will receive. Fortunately, throat cancer (even Stage IV cancer) is treatable and most people survive this treatment. The answers I was given for the survivor rate for Stage IV throat cancer were somewhere between 65% - 70%. Of course, the survival rate for throat cancer that has spread to other parts of the body is much lower than this. Because the throat area is difficult to see without a special scope, throat cancer is rarely discovered before it has spread and become Stage III or Stage IV. Mine was Stage IV because it had spread to the lymph nodes in my neck. Of course, a PET-CT scan was necessary to determine if the cancer had spread to other parts of the body before treatment was started.

First PET-CT Scan

Before starting treatment, a PET-CT Scan was necessary to make sure that cancer had not spread further through the body. If it had spread, treatment would change to fight those cancers at the same time. Fortunately, the PET scan showed that the cancer had not spread beyond the lymph nodes in my neck. I quickly learned that I hate PET-CT scans and hope that I never have to have another one. I knew that I hated MRIs and hoped this would not be as bad. Well, it is just as bad but it is thankfully much quieter than an MRI.

Start of Treatment

After two or three weeks of preparation and testing, treatment finally started. I had my first PET-CT scan, I had been to the dentist and gotten their okay to start treatment. Even then, the process took time. Dr, Schoenfeld decided on 35 radiation treatments. This consisted of treatment every day, Monday through Friday, for seven weeks. The radiation treatment would be the primary treatment to shrink and kill the cancer. To supplement the radiation treatment, once a week I would also go to Dr. Loyd's for a chemo treatment. This would entail seven chemo treatments. The chemo's purpose was to assist the radiation in melting the cancer. Dr. Schoenfeld warned me that treatment would not be easy at all. He said that most patients started feeling rough about the fourth week of treatment. From that point onward, I was to expect things to be very uncomfortable for a while.

Radiation Therapy

Radiation treatment is a complex treatment. Modern radiation machinery requires careful calculations to treat as much of the cancer as possible while minimizing damage to the noncancerous tissue. The first step is to have another CAT scan of the areas where the cancer is. The information from this CAT scan is then sent to a department in the doctor's office that calculates the necessary programming for the radiation machine to focus, as much as possible, on the cancer itself. This department employs very intelligent people with master's degrees in physics. Their job is to program the positions and angles for the radiation treatment. This is to aim the radiation toward the cancer itself and to try to minimize damage to noncancerous tissue.

The second step in the radiation treatment involves making a mask that snaps to the table to hold you still during the radiation treatment. This was another step that I did not expect. Because the calculation for the radiation treatment is so exact, you must be snapped down to the table to make sure that the radiation reaches the cancerous areas while minimizing damage to other areas. To make the mask, you lie still on the table. They place an extremely warm flat mask over your head and then stretch it down over your head and shoulders and form fit it to you. The mask has snaps  that snap onto the table. You lie still there for about 10 minutes while the mask cools and hardens.

They let the mask cure for a couple of days before treatment starts. Radiation treatment is a strange procedure. I first went into a small changing room. There I took off my shirt and my glasses and put on a hospital-type gown. I would then sit down and wait until they called my name. This usually took five to ten minutes. Then they would take me across the hallway to the radiation treatment room. This few minutes of waiting did allow me to meet others who also were waiting. I would talk to them and to try to be an encouragement to those I met. Often these patients had horrible burns from the radiation treatments and were quite miserable. I actually met two patients that had throat cancer. Both of these patients were on their second bouts with throat cancer and they had to have a portion of the tongue surgically  removed. The doctors had rebuilt their tongues using muscle from the chest and skin graft from their leg. It made me so thankful that I did not have to have part of my tongue removed by surgery.

The preparation for the radiation procedure involves sitting on the table and then lying down. The technicians would line me up correctly and then snap the mask over my head and shoulders so that I could not move an inch. You can see and breathe through the mask somewhat. The scary part is that it is holding you so that you cannot move. Fortunately, the whole procedure rarely lasted more than 10 – 15 minutes. This procedure does not hurt, but it is very uncomfortable and scary lying there and not able to move while the radiation is beaming at you.

The technician leaves the room and shuts the door. It takes a few minutes for the technician to load the programming for your session. Once the programming is loaded into the machine, the technician tells you through the PA system that the session is beginning. The machine has heads on an arm. This arm then slowly scans over your head and neck area using imaging to make sure everything is lined up exactly right. Usually, the table needed adjusting a little bit and the technician would push a button and you would feel the table move one way or another. Once everything is lined up and ready, the radiation machine changes from imaging mode to radiation mode. You can hear the heads on the arms of the machine turn over. Then the arms pass over you again shooting the radiation beam into you. I admit that when it changes into this mode, you tense up knowing that it is shooting dangerous radiation rays into your body.  

Dr. Schoenfeld's staff – both technicians and nurses were great. I rarely had any trouble or concerns with any of them. They were always professional but friendly and caring. The only trouble I had with the staff occurred before treatment began. Their insurance lady told us that I had a $50.00 copay for each treatment. The number of treatments was 35 so this came to $1750.00 total. They preferred to get this copay before treatment began. If I paid for it all then, they would give me a discount. I explained that my insurance plan did have a copay for seeing the specialist doctor but no copay at all for treatment. We went back and forth discussing this for about 15 – 20 minutes, She kept threatening to call my insurance company to verify. I kept asking her to please call them because I knew what they would say since I had already checked into this previously. Because I refused to pay what she wanted, she finally followed through with her threat and called the insurance company. She finally followed through with her threat to call Anthem-Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Of course, they confirmed what I was telling her was true. She was amazed and told me how lucky I was to have this insurance plan. I still had to pay the copay each time I saw the doctor, but this benefit saved me $1750 on my treatment. I later accidently found out that each individual treatment cost about $1250. Once a week, after my treatment, I had to stay after treatment and follow up with Dr. Schoenfeld.

Weight Loss

Weight loss is quite common with cancer as well with cancer treatment. There are several reasons for this. One thing your doctor normally watches is for unexplained weight loss. Cancer thrives on sugar. As cancer grows, it starts using more of the sugar in your body. This can cause weight loss even though you are not trying to lose weight. Therefore, unexplained weight loss can be a sign of cancer in the body. Since my cancer was on the back of my tongue, I had begun having trouble swallowing. This had started in December of 2014. I had no idea what was going on but I knew something was not right. Because of this trouble, I had trouble eating as much as I usually normally did.

Starting about the fifth week of treatment, I had another problem. My throat was now so raw and burnt from the radiation that I could barely swallow anything, including water. Because of the trouble I had with swallowing I had completely quit eating food and was living on Boost Extra Protein shakes and some water. That was all I could stand to swallow. Added to this now was the burnt throat area. I could barely force myself to drink a little water and Boost every day.

It is probably a good thing that I was very overweight when I started treatment. For three and a half months, I could not eat any real food. Over three months time, I lost 55 pounds. I went from 218 pounds to about 163 pounds. I was not in good shape at all and I do not know how I managed to stay alive during this time. Before I started treatment, the doctors had recommended that I have a feeding tube placed in my stomach. Because I did not fully understand just how bad things would get, I turned them down on this. Later I wished that I had allowed them to put the feeding tube in.

This weight loss also had a couple of unintended and unexpected consequences. The first was that I lost so much weight during treatments that my radiation mask became loose on me. It no longer held me tight on the table during treatment. Because of this, they had to make a new mask for me. I still have the second mask they made for me. They did not give me the first one but did give me the second one after treatment was completed. The second consequence was that it caused a change in my chemotherapy. I did not realize it at first, but the chemotherapy dosage is partially dependent on your weight. There came a point in treatment that they had to recalculate my dosage and give me less chemo for the rest of my treatment because of my weight loss.

Chemotherapy

Chemotherapy works together with the radiation. The oncologists coordinate treatment so that you start both treatments the same week. They kept in touch with each other during treatment. At the same time, chemotherapy was completely different from radiation. I was getting radiation five times a week for seven weeks. Chemotherapy took place once a week for those same seven weeks. My chemotherapy day was on Thursday. I would schedule my radiation treatment on Thursdays to be an hour or so before chemo. That way I could get both appointments done while I was still in Athens.

Every treatment day in chemotherapy starts with you being called into the lab. This holds true even after treatment for every follow-up visit for five years after being declared in remission. In the lab, they weigh you, take your temperature, and check your blood pressure. Every visit then involves blood being drawn. Chemotherapy is so damaging to your white and red blood cells and other blood chemistry that this must be monitored closely. All blood counts and vitamins and minerals are checked to ensure that do not get too far out of range. Then the lab technician would start an IV if you did not have a port. I had chosen not to get a port put in. This proved to be another mistake on my part. My arms, wrists, and hands became almost solid black and blue during this time. All of this took place before going in to get your chemo infusion or to see the doctor. To complicate things, once a vein had been used for chemo it could not be reused because of the damage the chemo caused. So it was a battle each week to find a good vein that had not been used before and that would hopefully not collapse. Several times the vein would collapse and a new vein would have to be selected.

As mentioned above, Dr. Richard Loyd was my medical (chemotherapy) oncologist. He came highly recommended by several friends and I quickly grew to appreciate him. He was an extremely caring doctor. He was soft-spoken and he made the patient feel like he was your friend. Usually, Yvonne was able to go with me to my treatments and Dr. Loyd was careful to answer any of her questions or concerns. He also was quick to check with her to verify my answers to his questions. A couple of times I saw him when one of his patients had passed away from cancer. Those times upset him greatly. He hated to lose patients to cancer. It made him feel like he had failed the patient.

After seeing the doctor, the next step was to go into the infusion room. This room had a TV (sometimes on and sometimes not), filtered water to drink, healthy snacks, and recliner chairs. These chairs were old when I first started, but the last two or three weeks of treatment they had purchased new electric-powered chairs with remote controls. The remote would allow you to recline your chair automatically. These new ones were much nicer than the old ones.

Once I was in the infusion room, I had to try to make myself as comfortable as possible. My time in there usually was about four to five hours (occasionally longer). The process could not be hurried. The blood tests that I had at the first part of the visit determined what they gave me in the IV before the chemotherapy. They usually gave me an anti-nausea drug even though cisplatin does not usually cause nausea. They often had to give me iron or magnesium because cisplatin causes a loss of these. I was usually getting several things in the IV for two or three hours before they hooked up the cisplatin.  

My chemotherapy was cisplatin.  This is very strong chemotherapy is based on platinum. Yes, it is based on a metal. I was fortunate that my insurance policy had no copay on treatments so I never learned just how expensive this treatment was. I am sure it was very expensive.

There was never any doubt about when they started pushing the chemo. The fluids and other items they gave you went just like getting an IV in the hospital or the doctor’s office. Then when they brought out the chemo, things were a little different. Now the technician had on a face shield and gown as well as the gloves that were always worn. You immediately knew that they had the dangerous chemo and hooked it up to your IV. I always felt like they were giving me poison at this point. It was a little scary.

Surgery

Finally, after seven long weeks, my treatments were done. I was in very bad shape health-wise but I was still alive. That was the most important thing. Next on the agenda was to have another PET-CT Scan to make sure all of the cancer was gone. To my surprise, Dr. Mixson made me wait two months to have my scan. He explained that the radiation continues cooking cancer for a while. This was disappointing, to say the least. I had just been through the worst seven weeks of my life. I was extremely weak and still was not able to eat. I wanted to hear those magic words that I was free of cancer. One of the main lessons I learned from cancer was that you must be patient. You want treatment to start immediately. When treatment is over, you want to be cancer-free and go on with your life. However, you have to be patient and let the medical world do things according to their protocol.

Finally, two months after my last treatment, Dr. Mixson sent me for a PET-CT Scan. When the results came back, we were disappointed. The results showed some small lumps and activity still in the lymph nodes on the left side of my neck. Thankfully, my throat and tongue areas were completely clear of any cancer or lumps. The radiation and chemo had done it's job on the tongue. At first, it was not clear whether the lumps in the lymph nodes were cancer or damage from the radiation treatment. There were two choices: wait and see if the lumps grew or to have surgery to remove those lymph nodes. Of course, Dr. Mixson advised to have the surgery as in his experience, there was a good chance that it indicated some small cancers. At that point, Dr. Mixson had overseen me through the cancer treatment – coordinating with my oncologists. I looked at him and told him I trusted him with my life so I would have the surgery as he suggested.

Dr. Mixson does not do this surgery. Dr. Norris and Dr. Katz in his office do this surgery often so they were the ones who would operate. I had a brief meeting to meet them and talk about the surgery. Once again, it was time to wait. They wanted to make sure I was healthy enough to survive the surgery. I needed a note from my cardiologist. Fortunately, I had seen him about three weeks earlier so he authorized me to have the surgery. About four weeks after my PET-CT Scan, I finally was scheduled for surgery. I had been able to start eating a little bit by this time but still was not able to eat much. A couple of days before surgery I had the pre-op for surgery and met the anesthesiologist. The anesthesiologist threatened to cancel the surgery because my blood sodium level (salt) was too low. Yvonne and I discussed the matter and went out and ate Chinese food because they tend to use a lot of salt in their food. It must have worked because they checked my sodium level the next morning at the hospital and never mentioned the sodium level. As usual in the hospital, the surgery was delayed until later in the afternoon.

The operation was expected to be about two and a half to three hours long. The first step was that they biopsied the back of my tongue to make doubly sure there was no more cancer. The biopsy was rushed to the lab. If the biopsy had shown cancer, they would not have removed my lymph nodes. They would have just stopped surgery until all of the options for throat cancer were dealt with. Fortunately, no cancer was found in my throat or on my tongue. Because of all of the radiation damage, the surgery took about six hours, much longer than predicted.

After the biopsy, they then proceeded to dissect my neck on the left side. They later explained what they did in there. There was massive tissue damage from the radiation therapy. They had to scrape the damage from the major nerves in my neck and my left carotid artery. After that, they were able to remove my lymph nodes on that side of the neck. They also removed my juggler vein on that side. They explained that you need both of your carotid arteries to survive but only one of your juggler's veins. They were able to remove all of the lymph nodes on the left side thereby removing all of the cancer. Three of the lymph nodes still had minute amounts of cancer present in them.

Unfortunately, scraping the three major nerves on the left side of my neck caused further damage. Most of this damage healed itself over the next year or so. One damaged nerve went to the left ear. So for about six months or so, my left ear area of my head was very numb. This was a minor inconvenience. Another one of the nerves controlled the left shoulder. For the next year or so I dealt with constant pain in that shoulder. The third nerve was the one that controlled my tongue. My tongue just would not work right. It felt very weak. I slurred all of my words and I was difficult to understand when I talked. This finally got better after a year or so. Although this got much better, I often still deal with trouble talking – especially when I get tired. I start slurring my words and have to slow down and concentrate on what I am saying. Sometimes I do not realize it until someone asks me to repeat myself several times because they have trouble understanding what I am saying.

Finally, after my surgery on September 16, 2015, I was free of cancer and in remission. Of course, the doctors will never say cancer-free. You are considered to be in remission until your fifth anniversary of being free of cancer. During that five years, the doctors will keep a close watch on you to make sure cancer does not return. Only after that five years are up with no sign of the cancer returning do they really consider you cancer free.

The Side Effects of Cancer Treatment

I have mentioned some of the side effects and problems that pop up during treatment. However, there are many more than I have mentioned. Some of these are temporary and some of them are permanent. Every chemo treatment will have different side effects and problems. And what may be temporary in one patient may be permanent in another one. These are listed to help others understand what cancer patients can go through. I mentioned above some of the problems caused by my surgery (neck dissection).

Chemotherapy tends to attack fast reproducing cells like cancer. This is not limited to the cancer cells only though. White and red blood cells, taste buds, and saliva glands are other cells it attacks. The damage to the saliva glands causes dry mouth. This is a major problem. It makes it difficult to swallow anything. It also does much damage to your teeth and gums. A healthy mouth requires moisture. Although the saliva glands eventually did start producing again, much of the damage to my teeth and gums is permanent. I will battle dental problems all of my life.

By killing the white blood cells, chemotherapy pretty well destroys your immune system temporarily. The oncologist warned me repeatedly that any fever was to be considered an immediate emergency and this was the reason for an immediate call to the doctor’s office. Even after treatment was complete it was a long time before my white and red blood cells returned to normal. Even six years later my immune system seems to be weaker than normal.

My taste buds were one of the first things damaged. As mentioned above, during treatment, I could not eat food. Even after I started being able to eat, it was difficult to eat due to being unable to taste anything. My taste did eventually return but it is not quite the same as it was before my cancer treatment.

Chemotherapy kills off the saliva glands in the mouth. I then developed a very dry mouth. Good dental health requires a moist mouth. A dry mouth causes damage to the gums and teeth that continues even after the saliva glands start producing saliva again. Because of this, I continue to battle dental problems and damage caused by the radiation and chemotherapy.

As mentioned, different chemotherapies have different side effects. Cisplatin is known for damaging hearing. I already had some hearing loss but not bad enough for hearing aids. After my treatment, it became obvious that it had damaged my hearing enough that hearing aids were necessary now.

Cisplatin is also well known for damaging the kidneys. Fortunately, this is temporary most of the time. I was not one of the fortunate ones. The oncologist watches the kidney function levels closely during and after the treatment. The chemotherapy damaged my kidneys so that they only work fifty percent of what they should. This is called Kidney Failure Stage III. The good part is that this does not require dialysis and it is not expected to get any worse.

During treatment, between the weight loss and my dehydration, my blood pressure dropped a lot. I was able to completely come off of all of my blood pressure medicine. I also developed hypostatic hypotension blood pressure. This occurs when your blood pressure is at one level, and then when you sit up, it drops lower. Then, when you stand up, it drops dangerously low. Because of this, I had times when getting up in the middle of the night, I would find myself lying on the floor, wondering what happened. One night I went to the restroom and the next thing I knew, I was lying in the bathtub with a large knot on my head. Fortunately, Yvonne woke up when I fell and came and helped me back to bed.

Radiation and chemotherapy can cause another problem called fibrosis. I developed this problem in my jaws. Combined with the damage to my tongue nerve, it was very difficult for me to talk in a way that people could understand me. Thankfully, this has improved a lot. However, this fibrosis in my jaws still causes me much problem with eating. I can now eat, but anything that is the least bit chewy or tough will end up getting spit out. My jaws just cannot stand endless chewing. This greatly decreases my options for finding something to eat. There are many foods that I love but refuse to eat because my jaws complain about chewing them. Another problem that I still have from fibrosis is that when I cough or yawn, my jaws lock up for about 10 -15 seconds. I am unable to talk plainly at all until they unlock.

After my treatment, it was discovered that my thyroid had been damaged by the radiation. Through a couple of month's trial and testing, we were finally able to get the correct dosage of Synthroid to take care of this problem. I am thankful that this was a relatively minor issue although it means I will be on this medicine for the rest of my life.

Lack of energy is probably the worse effect of cancer and its treatment. Fatigue is a major problem during treatment. Fortunately, this problem usually resolves itself eventually after treatment. There is a certain percentage of cancer patients who never regain their energy levels. For some reason, I am one of those who did not regain much energy back. It is a constant battle for me battling fatigue and not having the energy to do what need to do or want to do.

The Emergency Room

After treatment was complete, I was constantly dehydrated and weak from not eating or drinking enough water. I still could not eat anything. The radiation keeps on working for a while shrinking the cancer. I was to do nothing except rest and get better. About two weeks after the completion of my treatment, I was so weak and dehydrated that I felt like I was going to die. I had Yvonne call the doctor and take me to the emergency room. It was Memorial Day so the doctor’s office was closed.

The emergency room started an IV. Well, the nurses tried about nine times and failed. Finally, they called the IV team who was able to start the IV. They gave me two bags of fluids to rehydrate me. The doctor ordered X-rays and a CAT scan of my throat because it was so raw I could not eat and barely could drink. The CAT scan showed that my epiglottis was severely inflamed from the radiation. After two bags of fluid, he sent me home with a prescription for steroids. Fortunately, the steroids began healing my epiglottis but I still could not eat and had trouble drinking. The steroids eventually healed the epiglottis and I was able to drink better and eventually start eating again.

A week later, I was once again so dehydrated that I felt like I was going to die. I had trouble walking from the bedroom to the living room to lie on the couch. Once again, I had Yvonne call the doctor and tell him that I was going to the emergency room. This time when I got to Athens Regional Medical Center, I was too weak to walk in. Yvonne got a wheelchair and took me in. We registered and then went into triage shortly after. The triage nurse took my information and then began taking my vital signs. She checked my blood pressure. She had a funny look on her face. She checked the blood pressure again. Without saying a word to me, she picked up her phone and dialed a number. I could hear the Emergency Room PA system as she spoke. She announced something like “Medical Code 2 in Triage 1." She continued getting my information. About that time, the back door into the emergency room burst open with two nurses with a wheelchair. Yvonne and I were not sure what was going on. They picked me up and put me in their wheelchair and took off. They got me to a treatment room and got me on the bed and immediately started undressing me as other nurses or technicians started coming in. I knew I was in pretty bad shape but it was amazing how quickly they took care of me.

I explained how many times they had tried to start an IV the previous week in my emergency room visit and I did not want to go through that this time. This time that did not attempt the IV themselves and called the IV team who came and started the IV. I ended up staying all night while they pumped me full of fluids and monitored me. After giving me three bags of fluids, I felt much better they finally sent me home.  

Giving Thanks

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus. (KJV) 1 Thessalonians 5:18

On the day that Dr. Mixson gave me the diagnosis of cancer, as Yvonne and I drove home, a strange thought came to me. It was the above verse. Immediately I realized that somehow I was to give God thanks even in this situation. I silently prayed and told God that I did not know how to give thanks for cancer. I told God that if I needed to give thanks to Him for cancer then He would need to show me how. I realize that to many people this will sound very strange. I had just been given a diagnosis of cancer that had a very real possibility of killing me. At the least, I was facing months of horrible treatments.

God did show me how to be thankful for cancer in some ways. As I went through treatment, I realized that the other patients I was meeting were hurting and scared. I was able to talk with these other patients and offer encouragement. Many were in pain and miserable. Somehow, I was able to meet some of these and offer them a smile and an encouraging word. At the same time, Yvonne was able to do the same thing with the patient's family members in the waiting rooms. I admit that this was not an easy task for us as Yvonne and I are quiet introverts. Meeting strangers and sharing encouragement with them are not easy tasks for us.

This encouragement to others continued even after treatment was done. I had found a t-shirt on http://amazon.com that says, "My God is Bigger than my Cancer." I started wearing it where ever went. So many people stopped to tell me how much they liked my shirt. Numerous times this allowed me to tell people what God had done for me in getting me through the cancer treatments. I do not know how many people I have had the chance to talk to abut my experience. Once, in Walmart, a gentleman stopped me and asked if he could pray for me. I explained that I no longer had cancer but that I could always use prayer. In the middle of Walmart super-center he reached out and took my hand and prayed for me. People were all around us and probably thought we were strange or crazy but that was fine. When he was finished, I thanked him and we went our separate ways.

This is the story behind the reason for the name of this article. I had realized that God desires us to give thanks to Him for whatever situation we find ourselves in. We have to understand that God is in control of our lives. Even in stressful, painful, and difficult times, we are to give thanks to God. These times may be difficult. God can use them to teach us to depend on Him. He may use these times to teach us lessons and grow in Him. He may use these times to share what God does for us with others. He uses these times for His glory. There are often difficult and painful times that we may never see positives come out of, but we are to still give Him thanks for them. We may never know what good God is using these situations to accomplish.

Change in Priorities and Perspectives

When someone has a life-threatening disease such as cancer, it tends to change your whole outlook on life. At least, this was true for me. This caused many changes in several areas of my life.

One temporary change was in some ways I had to become temporarily more selfish. What does this mean? All of my energy and strength changed from trying to be helpful to others and do things for others to concentrating on me. This was very difficult for me. All of my energy and strength had to concentrate on just getting through this and getting better. All of my energy went into getting through my treatments and somehow staying alive at the same time.

As a Christian, I had always depended on God to take care of me. This became truer after having cancer. When you are battling a potentially deadly disease, you learn quickly to depend on The One in control. He holds your life in His hands. You have to do your part and take care of yourself but ultimately He is in control and decides if your time is up or not.

Many things that were once important to me, suddenly did not seem as important. Somehow life becomes more precious than it previously did. When friends or relatives pass away now it seems to upset me more than it used to. After being so close to death, life is more precious than it once was. Don’t get me wrong, I know that we all face death at some point. We all have lost loved ones and friends. I really can’t explain the change in me other than to say that life is a precious gift from God. At some point, He calls us home and we must be ready for that. The death of family or friends seems to hit me harder than it used to. Possibly this is because I came so close to death myself.

Things that used to bother me no longer seem as important. Does the yard need cutting? We will get to it when we can. There are more important things in life. Does my hair need cutting? We will get to it eventually. Maybe these things are important to others more than to me but life is more important. Spiritual life is more important also. Making sure that we carve out time for the Bible and prayer is vital.

Ring the Bell

There is a tradition in cancer treatment that when you complete your last treatment, you ring the bell at the front of the doctor’s office. For some reason, my chemotherapy doctor did not seem to have a bell to ring. However, Dr. Schoenfeld’s office did have a bell. I still remember the great feeling after my last treatment as the front office staff reminded me to ring the bell, Even though I was so weak and could barely drag myself back and forth to my treatment, it felt so good to ring that bell! It was so nice to know that my last treatments were over. The hope was that between the radiation and chemotherapy that the cancer was completely gone.  That story is covered in the Surgery section above.

Pain

When I originally wrote this, I left an important aspect out of my story. That subject is about pain. Unfortunately, pain is often a major problem in cancer and its treatment. The type of cancer and its location can dictate how much pain is involved. Sometimes the pain is moderate and sometimes it is intolerable. I did not start out with a lot of pain other than a chronic earache. Oncologists are very aware of the reality of pain and are ready to prescribe pain medicine as needed. The also have a pain clinic available if it is needed.

My real battle with pain really began during treatment. When radiation therapy is used, a bad burn is very common. I was fortunate in one way as Dr. Schoenfeld had recommended several lotions for the skin to help minimize burns from the radiation. One of the recommended lotions was Andree’s Organic Botanical Moisturizing Gel. It is made and sold by a lady named Andree in Athens, Georgia. We went and talked to her. Years ago she had cancer and gone through radiation treatment. After being burned so badly by the radiation, she developed her own lotion.  I bought the gel from her and used it faithfully during treatment. I never once received a burn on my skin from the radiation. I have recommended this gel to others undergoing radiation and they all have loved it. I cannot promise that you won’t burn if you use this gel but most people never burn from radiation while using it. During treatment I met many others who had not used this gel and many of them had horrible burns on their body.

Unfortunately, there is no gel or ointment to protect the inside of the body from burning. As mentioned above, the radiation badly burned my throat (epiglottis) area. I could barely stand to sip a little water and Boost. I could hardly talk. I could just croak out a few words. It is extremely frustrating when you cannot communicate with others. The doctor put me on a pain patch (I do not recall the name of it) that had to be changed every three days. He prescribed hydrocodone liquid along with the patch. What he did not tell me was that the hydrocodone contained 6.2% alcohol. If you have a sunburn, you would never pour alcohol on it. Well, when you have a throat badly burned by radiation, you should not drink anything with alcohol in it. Trust me, it is just not a good idea! So I suffered a lot with the pain in my throat.  

Eventually, we were able to work out a way to temporarily ease the pain enough to drink the medicine a little bit and be able to take my necessary medicines. The doctor prescribed lidocaine liquid. I had to take some, swish it around my mouth to coat everything and then swallow it. Of course, the label on the bottle said not to swallow it, my the doctor told me to swallow it anyway. After that, I was to wait a few minutes and then my throat would be numb enough to take the hydrocodone. Then I was able to drink some and take any needed medicines. I was still afraid to eat at that point, but this allowed me to drink more water and Boost. The pain eventually got better after the emergency room doctor prescribed a round of steroids.

Conclusion

I know that this story has been long and I apologize for that. There were so many things I wanted to share. At the same time, this story does not fully communicate the depth of the pain and the difficulty that cancer and its treatment cause. So many of the treatment side effects continue today. I did learn how to thank God for everything including cancer. I learned so much from this situation and I changed through it. At the same time, I have to confess that I never want to go through this again!

Updated October 26, 2022

This is my little corner of the Internet. It is a place for me to post thoughts, ideas, and maybe even stories. Who am I? My name is Carl Seay. See the About Page to learn more about me.

The articles on this site will be from a Christian view point. Those who are not Christians are welcome to read these articles. They should just be aware that these articles were written from a Christian point of view. This site will avoid most controversial subjects. This includes political and many social issues. This does not mean that I do not care about these subjects. I agree that many of these issues need changing and that they are important subjects to discuss. My point is that I do not wish to start arguments. Many of these subjects stir up extremely strong feelings and arguments on both sides of the issues.

That does not mean that you will agree with everything I say on here. That is fine. I respect your right to disagree and hold other interpretations or views on subjects. That is one reason I will refuse to debate politics. I have friends and family that vote differently than I do. I respect their right to that and refuse to argue with them or attempt to change their minds. I do encourage everyone to vote in the elections. I do not encourage anyone to vote one way or the other.

On my Technology Page, I have some information about much of the hardware, software, and free services that allow me to securely host this website at home. I hope you enjoy reading what I write and maybe you will learn something here. Thank you for taking the time. God bless you!

Updated September 18, 2020: My web server recently crashed. It has taken me several weeks to hunt down the problem and then resolve it. In the process, I discovered that my last backup of the site was from November 2019. Therefore, much of my web content has been lost. I will be trying to add in some of the missing posts over the next few weeks. I do have a printout of a few of them and will be able to replace at least some of the posts. I will also try to do a better job of keeping backups in case of the possibility of future crashes.  

Carl B. Seay